News Archives - June 2012

Sale: Complete Total War Set

by | 6/23/2012 6:09 AM

I am not one to mention another site on HeavenGames, but this deal is makes me make an exception.

Gamers Gate is offering the complete set of Total War games at what they consider an 80% discount- all games in a bundle for about 25 euros.

Listed in the bundle is Medieval II, Rome (Gold), Alexander expansion, Empire, Nappy Lion, Shogun II (Gold), and several DLCs for Shogun. Medieval I and BI are not listed, buit may be in the pack (or incorporated into one of the Gold editions).

(I post this news as information only; I neither condone nor condemn this site, nor do I endorse it or discourage it. Info only, which I think many would like to know.)

Reminder: Sepia Joust VI

by | 6/15/2012 15:13 PM

TWH will host its sixth Sepia Joust near the end of this summer. This time the genre is Crime in the Old Days, which means the story can occur anywhere up to about 1860, and cannot be solved using modern forensics.

The Submissions Scroll will open on or about 31 August, and remain open for approximately two weeks. Then it will close and voting shall begin.

Got an idea for a good crime story? Or just want to try your hand at it? You have two and a half months to get your fecal matter into a single cohesive unit before the quills dip into the ink and the battle begins.

A New Cherub for the Ompee Rompee and Nappy Lion!

by | 6/10/2012 11:00 AM

Terikel was wandering about again, and like usual, he was not paying attention to where he was going. In short, he was somewhere where he ought not to be, but being a Viking, he did not care. He was where he was, and that was just fine with him.

Until the rats came. The ground was soggy, and the rats large. Very large. With big teeth they intended to use. At once he knew where he was- he was on the edge of the Medieval Morass, but Swamprat was not one of these omnivorous beings wishing to dine on Viking flesh. So he unlimbered his sword and stood his ground, giant blade whistling to and fro daring the giant rodents to come forward and feel his bite.

They did. The Viking stood upon a dry patch, which humans could only reach by following the trail he was now blocking. Rats can swim- the brackish water on each side of him did not hinder them at all. In an instant they were swarming the Viking and tasting flesh.

"Foul beasts!" he roared, and cast aside his useless shield for his dagger. With two blades he was able to kill more, but there were many beasts and his blades only two.

Then there were not so many beasts. As one, the rats departed the Viking to continue down the path in all haste. Six multi-colored cats chased them, eager to feast on their flesh. Both rats and cats disappeared into the twilight, not to be seen again. The Viking began checking his wounds.

"You will live, old one," said a voice.

The Viking looked up. "Are you the owner of the cats?"

The man smiled. "You do not own cats. The cats own you."

The Viking thought that over. Twas true. The cat does what it wants and ignores your commands, while you bring it food, clean its toilet, open the doors to let it in or out as it pleases.

"Well, it was handy that those beasts were taking you for a walk," he said.

"Those were not real cats," the man replied. "I am a Worshiper of Bast, the Egyptian cat goddess. Phantasmal Cats is a standard enchantment worshipers of our goddess receive. Sometimes it comes in handy."

The Viking agreed. "Well, BastWorshiper, what brings thee to the edge of the Medieval Morass on such a fine day?"

"I was heading along the River of Time to the Empire Empire when the river turned into a swamp."

"Ah, the Ompee Rompee!" the Viking exclaimed. "I know it well. This way!" And with that the Viking led off down the path to a fork, then a spoon, and at least to a ledge.

"There it is, the Ompee Rompee," he declared. "Now why would one of the Men from Eg want to go there? There are bangsticks and exploding ground, and few men who know the battleaxe there."

"I am not of Eg, nor of Egypt," BastWorshiper replied. "I have received a calling by Lord Pitt, who summoned me. Though I am confused. We are here, upon this ledge. Down there is the Empire Empire, where I must go. The question therefore is: how do we get from here to there?"

The Viking thought. This could take a long time, so BastWorshiper sat down patiently and summoned a forest cat to pet in the meantime. The beast was purring hard when the Viking suddenly stood up.

"By Odin's One eye, I have it!" He reached into his purse and pulled out a tiny tube of superglue and a pair of dove wings. BastWorshiper saw where this was going and tried to back away, but he tripped over the poor cat and fell. Before he could rise, the wings were firmly attached to his shoulders. A hissing noise blinded him, and when it stopped, his skin was covered in a translucent green shield, that faded from view. Then the Viking tossed him off the ledge and yelled, "Welcome to Total War Heaven, Cherub BastWorshiper! Spread your wings and fly! The Ompee Rompee is right ahead!"

BastWorshiper struggled, but the Viking Seraph had done his work well. The wings took a bit of getting used to, but soon he had them spread and flapping. His fall halted and away he soared, to assist Angel Pitt in running the Empire Empire and the lands of the Nappy Lion beyond.

You may add runes of a congratulatory nature and such onto the scroll located under these runes.

Service Restored

by | 6/4/2012 1:25 AM

I would like to apologize for the blip in our service this past Sunday. There was a slight hiccup in the back-up procedures. It has now been fixed, and we will soon be migrating from those servers to a faster one that requires less maintenance.

Hopefully soon you will no longer have to read these sorts of messages, and I will no longer have to write them.

June's Poll is Up

by | 6/1/2012 7:14 AM

Tis the Kalends of Junius, which means a new poll for our front page. This time we enquire as to thy favorite historical battle. Add your penny's worth to see which of those listed becomes the most popular.