News Archives - July 2012

Amazon: Total War is Re-ignited!

by | 7/29/2012 15:04 PM

Today we celebrate the latest version of Amazon: Total War; Amazon: Total War Re-Ignited! Parthian Shot and her team have worked really hard on this new mod, and we at TWH would love to thank her and her team for their fine work. This new version has a more historical basis, focusing on new information turned up by archaeologists in the past few years to give this mod a grittier and more archaelogically realistic feel.

You may read the article and download the mod here. You may leave congratulations and other praise here

Another Day in the Heavens. . .

by | 7/29/2012 12:57 PM

"We are under attack."

The Viking seraph looked up from the piles of scrolls burying him within his table. He was not a happy man. Drakontos stood in the doorway, hobbling around on one leg and crutches.

"You don't say," replied the Viking. "Four downloads yet to do, a community project to reboot, and lots of scrolls needing replies. I am buried."

"I mean outside, Viking," the cherub replied. "Demons, or worse."

The Viking brushed aside the scrolls and peered through what passed for his window. "Monty doing his Uprising again? Had he not learned from the last time?" Then he glanced outside. "Dark clouds, aye- summer is coming. And the lawn! When was the last time it was cut?"

"Beyond the lawn. Over by the horizon," corrected the cherub.

Terikel saw it. A horde of black and red, with horns like fairy-tale Viking helms. And tails. Demons all right. Not what he needed on a day like this, with work and responsibility piling up all over the place.

"Gather the lads for war, Draak, we need to fend this off fast so I can get back to all this obnoxious paperwork."

"I am here," Drakontos replied.

"I see that," replied the senile Viking. He picked up his axe and belted on his sword. "Well, go get them. The lads."

"I am the lad, Seraph," Drakontos reminded him.

"Edorix, Punic, Liam, you know, the lads. Get them. We have a fray in the making."

Drakontos shook his scaled head. "Edorix almost died- the love he had for his woman was interacting with his wings. You had to clip them off to allow him to live. He is an angel no longer. Punic sailed off a week ago to torment the sea god Yamm, and Liam went off the deep end after flying too high. His wings were of wax- now he has none and got himself a smack with Mjolnir to boot." Drakontos waved merrily. "I am the lad, Lord."

"Oh, right," said the seraph. He remembered now. So many angels, so many fates. Was it to be this way for all time? He remembered other days, when a crew of many manned this castle. Now there were two- himself, and Drakontos. "Well, let us get to it, then, shall we?"

"Lions and tigers and bears," Drakontos recounted as he followed his seraph to the main port. "Demons, devils, and squishy things that go bump in the night. The Hordes of Hell, and against them stand a stout cherub and a deranged seraph."

"That's the spirit!" cheered the Viking.

This did not look good for the Home Team. The Mighty Casey was about to strike out.

"Your plan, Terikel?"

"Oh yes, a plan. I shall open the gates, then we charge them. It should be easy then."

"I could fly in from a flank while you distract them," Drakontos replied with a bit of hope. He had a better chance of survival with that plan.

Terikel thought it over and shook his shaggy head. "No time. Headlong charge, high diddle diddle, straight up the middle. They will split, and then we will have them."

Or them us. But that thought was not uttered.

The portals opened.

Terikel grinned. "Well? What art thou waiting for? Do you want to live forever?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to say, "Yes, of course, that is why I wear wings, you moron," but he held his tongue. The Viking grinned once and charged into the enemy mass. There was now nothing to do but join his seraph in death and glory.

The two hosts met with a resounding clash. A thousand demons locked shields as the two angels collided into them, and then it was swords and axes.

"I told you," said Terikel with a wolfish grin, pulling his axe from the braincase of his tenth demon and smashing it into an eleventh. "Straight up the middle. Look at them fall!"

Drakontos had little time to point out that the demons now had the two angels completely encircled. Though they were dying like mad, angel blood was shedding too. It was only a matter of time and numbers- and the demons had both.

"This is it, Terikel," Drakontos muttered. He was having a hell of a time fighting with his sword in one hand and a broken crutch in the other. "I am running out of strength, and will soon perish."

Terikel scowled as he slashed three demonic throats with a mean cut. "That was neat! Did you see that? Three at once! Wow!" Then he grimaced as yet another spear drew blood from his axe hand. "I forgot about thy wounds, Draak. I am sorry- I should have remembered."

"Battle lust and common sense do not mix in Vikings, Terikel," was the bitter reply. Then he warmed a bit. "It was a pleasure to fight at your side once more."

The black-tailed ring closed around them. The skies darkened. Doom approached.

Suddenly the ring was broken, shattered, as monsters turned to face a new peril. It was an army- a mortal army- and that meant food on the hoof. The beasts turned away from the dying angels to feast upon mortal flesh. The only thing that tasted better than angel flesh was warm human, and that food was the only thing that could distract a demon horde from annihilating angels.

The men rallied around their leader, a man in silvered armor who wielded a sword of incredible intricacy and detailed engraving upon its damascened blade. The men locked shields and raised their spears. Their defiance of the Hordes of Hell was invigorating for the two angels, and infuriating for the demons. The demons charged the humans, releasing the angels to take to the skies from which they could call down angelfire and the wrath of the gods.

A second later it was all over. The angels carved the feasting demons and those that remembered their original foes fled back into the night that spawned them, with two weary but blood-mad angels chasing them off. It was over.

The mortals were slain almost to a man, but their sacrifice had not been in vain. In their death and feeding of the demons, they had given the heavens the chance it needed to turn the tide and restore the demons back to their cursed home. It was a victory for the Good Guys, but at a tremendous cost. Many mortals had died, but not all.

"I've got a live one," Drakontos cried. "From his expensive armor, I think him their leader."

"Thanks, buddy," the seraph said, shaking the frail hand of the dying man. In his grasp, the power of angel blood flowed to touch the dying man, and invigorate him. Within seconds the man was whole and hale. He rose, as tiny wings sprouted through the armor on his shoulders.

"I do not think you meant to do quite that, seraph," Drakontos replied as he pointed to the wings and green hue forming around the general.

"Oh yes, Draak- two birds, one blooddrop, or whatever the saying is. He is healed, and we have a second cherub. You do need help, with that gimp and all. You said so yourself, just before the battle."

"I said no such th-" Draak replied indignant, then abruptly shut his mouth. He had indeed said something similar, and the Viking Lord had twisted it. Now he saw the wisdom.

"I am Drakontos," he said to the former mortal. "Welcome aboard."

"I am General Sajaru," the new cherub replied, grasping the hand. "We were readying for battle against the heathens upon the moors, when we ended up here. My army is now gone, food for demons . . ."

"Cheer up," smiled the Viking viciously. "You need no army any longer. You are a cherub, and a powerful one."

And so it was, that the Heavens gained a cherub to fill the ranks once again, and the demons of Anarchy were once again banished to beyond the Pale. All was once again set to right.

You may leave praise and congratulatory runes upon this scroll.

Shogun II Swap game in Progress

by | 7/23/2012 4:02 AM

Our fellow warlords from the Far East have begun a Swap Game in the virtual realm of Shogun II.

Interested in showing others your skills as a warlord? Drop by here and report for duty.

If thou does wish to participate, do not delay. There are clans awaiting our conquest!

Punic Goes to Sea

by | 7/21/2012 13:18 PM

Our veteran Angel Punic Hoplite has turned in his wings to become mortal, in order to serve his country in the guise of a simple sailor.

We salute Punic Hoplite's devotion to his nation, and wish him well upon the seas.

We at TWH are grateful and thankful for his service to our community while he was here, and hope his tour of duty in service to his country is every bit as successful.

You may read his resignation here, and leave thine own words and runes upon the same scroll.

Far the well, or more fitting, Bon Voyage, Punic Hoplite. Do not let neither events nor waves come between thee and a visit back here.

Good Luck and Fair Winds!

New Article: The Generals Class

by | 7/7/2012 13:58 PM

The Old One finally kicked his darling Terikelings to the curb for the few hours it took him to feed three wonderful articles (including one of his own) into this Magical Glass Curtain. After Alex the Bold and Awesome Eagle, the Old One adds his own runes to the list- presenting here the Generals Class.

You may read his scribblings here and leave thy praise, comments, and other congratulatory runes here.

New Class: Cataphracts

by | 7/7/2012 13:35 PM

Alex the Bold teaches us the strengths and weaknesses of the mighty Eastern Cataphracts and other heavy horsemen of the East in this short but concise class. Want to learn about the heaviest cavalry without a trunk? Pop by here and learn from our young professor.

Praise and comments and other congratulatory runes may be left here.

New Article: Hillmen versus Eastern Infantry

by | 7/7/2012 13:18 PM

Awesome Eagle examines the scorned Hillmen in battle versus the disdained Eastern Infantry, and discovers new facts concerning these oft-despised units that may make one take a second and closer look at these particular units. His reulst surprised me, and that does not hapen very often.

You may read his scribblings here and leave thy praise, comments, and other congratulatory runes here.

Well done, Awesome Eagle!

Rome II !!!

by | 7/3/2012 1:10 AM

SEGA and the Creative Assembly have announced the title of their next awesome Total War game- the long-awaited and desperately-prayed-for Rome II.

Release date is set somewhere toward the end of 2013.

We have a forum dedicated to this new game, where we shall discuss and anticipate and rejoice that our prayers have been answered. You can find this here.