You must be logged in to post messages.
Please login or register

Bardic Circle - War Stories & AAR forum
Moderated by Terikel Grayhair

Hop to:    
Topic Subject: Under the White Tree. A TATW short story.
posted 03 May 2009 06:34 EDT (US)   
This is a short story I made up based on the mod TATW for M2TW Kingdoms 1.5. Its not based on anything except locations. I hopre you like it.

The gates and walls are overrun. The orcs now swarm and destroy all resistance before them. It took them less than a day for them to sieze the lower levels of this fallen city. Nothing stood before them, nothing could. The trolls killed everyone who managed to hold these evil beings off for long. The Guards of The Citadel have fought and died but we donít give in. We, the last remnants of resistance for the White City.

We have barricaded the entrance to the courtyard. This is the last part of the city in our hands. The hands of men, the hands of good. I think how ironic it is that the orcs, the pawns of evil, were once Elves the wisest and fairest of all creatures ,at least that's what the wizards often said before they abandoned us. And now they are the ones to bring the great empire of Gondor to itsí knees.

The gate gives way and as we desperately to hold the forces of evil back, I can sense that itís hopeless.
ďRally to me! To me!Ē I command the survivors and we surround the white tree.
I slash the nearest orc with my sword, killing him and sending a spray of black blood arcing through the air. As soon as he falls another takes his place. I parry the attack the creature unleashes and kick it in the gut. I then slash down and this one follows itsí comrade to the wherever these beings go when they die. Just as I kill a third I hear and immense roar and see a troll barge through the ranks.
If this is my last act, then that ting shall be sent into the abyss! I think as I prepare for the end. The troll comes for me and the world slows. I hack through another orc, still watching the troll as it comes towards me.

Iím backed right up to the tree now. This symbol of a once great empire will now bare witness to the last breath of its soldiers. Thereís only a few of us left now and the troll is only a few feet away. I can smell the huge piece of lumbering filth. I pulls back one of its massive arms and prepares to swing. I look around and see no-other Gondorians, no other humans left. I prepare to dodge the large club that is the standard equipment of all of Mordorís trolls.

I jumpÖ

Just as I take a mighty swing of my sword with all of my remaining strength I get stabbed right in the belly. The pain is unbearable.
Better to die now fighting, than live and die as a slave. I tell myself as I use whatís left of my life to kill this foul beast thatís standing in front of my. My sword comes down and somehow splits clean through the thingsí stomach. The last thing I see is it falling and then I see the white tree. There I fall, under the White Tree.

EDIT: I made the changes suggested and I will continue to do so when anything bad is pointed out. So constructive critisism is welcome.

EDIT 2: I decided to add a picture with the title. Sorry but since no White Tree exists in-game its not a pic from the mod.

My Gondor hotseat campaign. Please Help!

Under the White Tree A Gondor short story on the fall of Minas Tirith.

[This message has been edited by matt will (edited 05-04-2009 @ 11:32 AM).]

posted 03 May 2009 07:50 EDT (US)     1 / 2  
I like it, short but sweet. If I might make one critical point, "Oh great." kind of breaks the feel of the rest of the piece. It might be better replaced by something more in line with the descriptive writing of the rest.

[This message has been edited by Andalus (edited 05-03-2009 @ 07:51 AM).]

posted 03 May 2009 11:22 EDT (US)     2 / 2  
I liked it, but there are parts which could have been written a bit better. Your spelling is good overall, just a couple of minor mistakes.
I do find your choice of words a bit off sometimes.
It took them less than a day to take Same verb twice, better to use conquer or something similar.
This is the last sector of the city in our hands. Sector sounds modern/future, part or section is better, since it fits in better with lotr.
The part about the orcs once being Elves. I don't know how widespread this information is amongst the humans of Middle-Earth. The wizards and Elves would know, but your character seems more of a captain than a hero, so I doubt he would actually know it.
Rally to me! To ME! You don't need to use capitals to emphasize the cry. That he says it twice is enough.

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

Chauvinism is not a particularly nice trait at the best of times but can be suicidal when the person your talking too can have you executed on a whim.

Facebook, anyone?
Total War Heaven » Forums » Bardic Circle - War Stories & AAR forum » Under the White Tree. A TATW short story.
You must be logged in to post messages.
Please login or register
Hop to:    
Total War Heaven | HeavenGames