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Total War Heaven » Forums » Website Comments & Announcements » Twas a Night to Remember
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Topic Subject:Twas a Night to Remember
Terikel Grayhair
Imperator
(id: Terikel706)
posted 22 September 2013 06:22 EDT (US)         
Twas a night to remember. The Seraphs had returned from afar, where they had been journeying by horseless carriage throughout the olden lands (except for one- he journeyed by longship and was out aviking). The harvest was in- both grain and gold- and both beer and ale was stored in vast quantities. Too vast, thought the Viking, and thus a feast was arranged to reduce the supplies down to a manageable level.

The angels gathered. The cherubim as well. An autumn festival was always worth attending, especially a Viking autumn festival. Slaves and golden trinkets would be available for sale or use, food of all sorts would be served by scantily-clad mortals, and the ale and beer would flow without end. There was even wine of various colors for those that swing that way. And for the Viking.. well, he was enamored of a new beverage he had found on his journey- Tennessee Honey Liqueor, or as he named it, Honinglikker.

It was a grand fest- several mortals of the class "DJ" provided raucous music to drink by, though some of the attendees were stricken with St Vitus, while others gathered at the foot of the guest bard Aftermath to hear tell of his newest masterpiece. Others gathered around the newest cherub DominicusUltimus, to hear his latest tale, and to congratulate him on his new wings, or simply to admire those shiny new wings and notice the attachment of them to his body seems to be healing nicely.

Then it started to go poorly. A shout was heard, and the people gathered in one spot. Pitt was the quickest to respond, and new shouts went up for supplies. This brought the Viking Seraph and Scipii to the scene to join EoJay who was already onsite.

BastWorshiper was on the floor beside his seat, twitching violently and rapidly in tune to the heavy bass guitar booming forth from a black cube.

"Tis nothing," scoffed Terikel. "He is just doing that 'dancing' thing, only horizontally."

Scipii shook his head. "Horizontal dancing requires a partner of the opposite gender, and the explicit removal of clothing. He quakes alone, and clothed."

"Oh," replied the Viking. He really did not like anybody falling down and quivering at a festival- it was both rude and made the other guests edgy. Luckily he was a high up angel and knew how to fix hangovers. He raised his hands to shoulder height, made claws of his fingers, and poured a healthy blast of angel magic into the quaking form below.

"That ought to fix him," he said proudly with a grin.

Bast now howled, bringing a bolt of sheer joy to the Viking.

"See? He is getting better already," the Viking nodded, and smiled even more broadly and blissfully.

"His temperature just spiked up ten degrees," EoJ noted, "and the quivering got worse. Whatever you did, Terikel, it made him worse, not better."

The Viking frowned, crestfallen. Never before had his magic failed. Now he was as perplexed as all the others as to the malady affecting the cherub before them.

"He was so brave," Terikel eulogized. "I remember he once dared get into a horseless carriage, with me behind the wheel. We toured together the lands of ghosts and raindrops- and never once did he show fear or concern for safety." He paused. "Though he once did ask about Germanic farmers and what sorts of laws there were concerning the use of arms."

"He is not dead yet." EoJ reminded his colleague.

"He might as well be," Terikel replied. "If angel magic- MY magic, can not fix him, than nothing can. He is a dead man." Then the Viking brightened up. "Which means he will die, and being a good lad, will come back to the heavens where he is now. See? Problem solved."

Scipii held forth a plate of half-eaten food. "He will not be coming back. See this? From your own hand, Viking. You poisoned him with this tripe."

The Viking scowled. "That is good Roman food- as authentic as Gaius Colinius could make it." He sampled some of the sweet-and-sour chicken bits. "This stuff might kill Afty, but did not harm our cherub here."

"Then what did?" asked DominicusUltimus and Awesome Eagle in tandem. If something was killing a cherub- and that something had something to do with a certain Viking with whom they both had contact- then they wanted to know of it and pronto.

Pitt rose from where he was examining the victim. "I think I know what plagues him. It is a disease that strikes without warning, and may one day claim us all, one by one. EoJ, put your wand down- it has nothing to do with the Viking."

EoJ put away the Wand of Mythic Commodore and smiled sheepishly.

"Bastworshiper here is suffering from a severe dose of RealLifeitis."

"Ah! A disease! I can fix that!" cried the Viking jubilantly. He raised his hands again and blue fire erupted from them.

Pitt threw himself before the stricken cherub, shouting "No!!!" He managed to deflect the blast of angelfire into the ceiling, where it renewed the torches in the chandeliers and cured the cracks in the ceiling made back in the day when Punic Hebil and Edorix were swinging from those self-same chandeliers.

"Angelfire is lethal when used to cure RealLifeitis," he croaked. "Do you want him dead, or cured?"

"Cured, of course," replied all three Seraphs in chorus.

"There is but one cure for RealLifeitis. And that is the way Edorix took."

"That cannot be," said Terikel defiantly. "There must be another way."

Pitt shook his head. He was a lawyer, not a doctor, but the solution to this particular malady fell in the realm of physics, which followed laws. BastWorshiper was being torn apart from the inside due to RealLifeitis, and the only known successful cure was to eject him from the heavens back into mortal realms. That relieved the internal tensions that caused the quakes and quivers, and killed the pain of being torn by conscience and duty.

"It is the only way," EoJ said, laying a compassionate hand on the shoulder of the teary-eyed Viking.

"Tis true," said Scipii, placing a second compassionate hand on the other shoulder. "But look on the bright side, Terikel. At least it was not your cooking that did this."

Terikel brightened. "Thanks."

"Do you want us to do the deed?" EoJ asked solemnly. He knew it was never fun to strip angelic trappings from a comrade.

"No," said the Viking. He drew his sword and tested the edge. It would do. "I gave him those wings that now kill him. It is my task to remove them to give him back his freedom and life."

In his other hand he held up a small box. "I will need more of these though," he said, pointing to the Band-Aids. "Otherwise he might bleed to death before he heals."

Scipii shook his head. "When you remove the wings, he becomes mortal. RealLifeitis will no longer affect him, which means you can then use your angel magic to heal him. You need no bandages at all."

"Oh yeah. Right." He lifted BastWorshiper from the ground and tossed him over his shoulder. "I’ll take him to his home first, then clip his wings. We owe him that much."

And so it was that BastWorshiper went to a festival in Heaven and awoke wingless in Alabama, wondering if it was all but a dream or did he really serve in the heavens for all that time…

|||||||||||||||| A transplanted Viking, born a millennium too late. |||||||||||||||||
|||||||||||||||| Too many Awards to list in Signature, sorry lords...|||||||||||||||||
|||||||||||||||| Listed on my page for your convenience and envy.|||||||||||||||||
Somewhere over the EXCO Rainbow
Master Skald, Order of the Silver Quill, Guild of the Skalds
Champion of the Sepia Joust- Joust I, II, IV, VI, VII, VIII

[This message has been edited by Terikel Grayhair (edited 09-22-2013 @ 06:28 AM).]

AuthorReplies:
Awesome Eagle
Spear of Mars
(id: awesomated88)
posted 22 September 2013 06:37 EDT (US)     1 / 9       
A Masterful tale as usual mighty Viking!

Bast, you were a great mod! I am very sad that you are resigning, but if it cures your Realifeitis then it may be for the best. Please do drop in occasionally to tell us of your mortal adventures. Dont be a stranger..

See you soon bud.

Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it- George Santayana
History is a guide to navigation in perilous times. History is who we are and why we are the way we are- David C. McCullough
Wars not make one great- Yoda
Hannibal the Conqueror
Legionary
(id: HannibalBarcaXXI)
posted 22 September 2013 13:06 EDT (US)     2 / 9       
A good mod, shame to see him resign though. But it's in his best interest.


Farewell BastWorshiper, and good luck.

"I long for Darkness."
- Cormac McCarthy, The Sunset Limited.

"We are a species that ravages, plunders, kills, destroys, rapes and enslaves in the name of progress."
General Sajaru
Tribunus Laticlavius
posted 23 September 2013 00:58 EDT (US)     3 / 9       
It's a sad day that we see you go Bast. Hope things go well for you in real life. Don't forget to check in every so often.

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction." - Ronald Reagan
"Judge them not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Pick up a rifle and you change instantly from a subject to a citizen." - Jeff Cooper
"I like my enemies like James Bond likes his martinis- shaken, not stirred."
My first book, The King's Own
EnemyofJupitor
HG Alumnus Superbus
posted 23 September 2013 10:22 EDT (US)     4 / 9       
Lovely tale.

Thanks for everything, Bast!

And I shall go Softly into the Night Taking my Dreams As will You
Alex_the_Bold
Legionary
posted 23 September 2013 16:05 EDT (US)     5 / 9       
Good luck in your future endeavours Bast. Don't be a stranger...

Invincibility lies in defence, while the possibility of victory in the attack -Sun Tzu
Akouson me, pataxon de (hit me, but first listen to me)-Themistocles to Euribiadis prior to the battle of Salamis.
DominicusUltimus
Legate
posted 24 September 2013 00:22 EDT (US)     6 / 9       
Farewell Bast. Thank you for your long and faithful service and may luck and fortune favor you in real life and whatever dreams or goals you choose to pursue!

"Life is more fun when you are insane. Just let go occasionally".- yakcamkir 12:14
"It is not numbers, but vision that wins wars." - Antiochus VII Sidetes
"My magic screen is constantly bombarded with nubile young things eager to please these old eyes. This truly is a wonderful period in which to exist! - Terikel Grayhair
Angel of Total War: Rome II Heaven and the Total War: Attila Forums
BastWorshiper
Sensei
posted 24 September 2013 09:20 EDT (US)     7 / 9       
Thanks for the kind words, all.

And thanks for the adventure, Terikel. I still sometimes feel a twinge of sadness for the poor farmer's crops once you began barreling through the field. I, of course, being lithe as a cat, was able to avoid additional damage by following the trail blazed by the viking juggernaut. There was no avoiding the rain, though.

I will always have the image of you with spear and sword raised in the center of the amphitheater -- dark clouds and lightning flashing behind. A frightening sight, indeed.

I will, certainly, continue to check in as time permits. Thanks to all, particularly EoJ, Pitt and Terikel, for your assistance and guidance.

"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do.
Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen." -- Jerome K. Jerome

"Some people become so expert at reading between the lines they don't read the lines." -- Margaret Millar

ERADICATE CONDESCENSION! (That means don't talk down to people.)
Scenter102
Legionary
posted 25 September 2013 20:33 EDT (US)     8 / 9       
Oh, I thought you had actually died for a second.

Terikel you really need to be a bit more clear with titles

Well good luck with future endeavors.
Pitt
Tribunus Laticlavius
posted 06 October 2013 12:24 EDT (US)     9 / 9       
Bye Bast, I hope you'll have time to drop by the forum every now and then (or more often).

"Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty, hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to talk French." - P.G. Wodehouse, The Luck of the Bodkins
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